Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
