what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
