i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
