You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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