I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
