I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
