some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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