I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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