You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
