I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
