she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
