According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
