I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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