Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Randomize
