saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
