i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
