His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
