I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
