you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
