I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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