After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
