Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
