I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
