Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
