is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
