i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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