everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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