you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
