Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
