her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
