I wanna bring you to show and tell
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
