You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
