if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
