You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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