so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
