WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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