I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
