My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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