Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
