So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
