I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
