I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
