Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't turn off my feet"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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