OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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