it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
