OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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