I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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