The maid of honor just puked.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
