Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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