did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
