He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
