we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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