3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
tell me about the fingering
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
