i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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