Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
