I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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