I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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