his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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