he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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